Spring to Autumn
by Shion-Chie
Summary: A monologue of a girl about her Impossible Love...please read&review...n  n


SPRING TO AUTUMN

by Chutiechie

When was it when I first met him?

Ah! I remember! It was when I was still in sixth grade. Well, actually, we really haven't met face to face. There was this friend of mine who went to another school for some kind of some science quiz ball and when she came back, she told us about someone she met during the competition. Someone who is very cute and everything, well, he even won that competition in the end, my friend only got second.

Well, let's get back to the story. That's the first time I heard his name. The first time his presence etched into my world. But being an apathetic, well, yes, I am one; I just shrugged my shoulders and just let it go.

And after I graduated, and entered in my first year in high school, that's the time that I really met him. But then again, we really didn't meet face to face. I just heard his name and caught a glimpse of him every now and then. Since we're not in the same class, there's no reason for us to really meet and know each other.

But at the end of our freshman year, he heard about me having watched a part of an anime episode, well, since I am a bit of an otaku, and he approached me to ask, more like pester me to death, in letting him borrow the anime that I watched, since that's the only part that he haven't watch yet. And that is the time, which he really came into my own little world. Not just like any formal Hi or Hello, but something like, we immediately clicked and found our own place with each other, but hey, it is in being a friend, there's no romantic feeling with it, yet, I guess, on my part.

Then on our sophomore year, he transferred to our class, together with some of his friends from his class. Well, that's just it. There's nothing more into it. We accepted them in our own little group in class, we bonded, but nothing more.

Then on our junior year, it is still the same. Nothing to say anymore. But then, it is this time that I really realized my feelings for him. It is my bestfriend who pointed it out to me. She noticed me glancing at him from time to time, or my eyes following him as he passes by. I just dismissed it as something like an admiration or something. But she really insisted and succeeded in opening my eyes that I do like him.

Senior year, our last year in high school, our last year to be together. Being really aware of my feelings, my attitude changed towards him. I act more, well, you know how we all act to our loved ones, being shy and demure and all. But then again, I still just kept it all to myself, thinking that this feeling will die soon just like any other feelings that I had. It is only me, my bestfriend, and two of my closest friends who knows about it. And, yeah, being my friends, they pestered me everyday for me to confess to him. But no! I can't do that. I just can't, since…

Well, there is another friend of mine who admitted to me that she likes him. And she is planning to confess to him. What did I do? Well, nothing. That's me. Being an apathetic in nature, I just let everything pass without doing anything or placing an effort on doing it. And after that, I learned that he rejected her. And. And. His attitude towards her also changed. He doesn't talk to her anymore. Good thing after some time, well, he mellowed a little and sometimes began on talking to her again, but there is always a strain between him and my friend. Something more like a scar between their friendships that can never mend.

Well, that's just it. How could I even gather some courage to confess to him if that's how he rewards to those who confess to him? I can't. I just can't. I don't want to lose our friendship. I don't want him to ignore me. I don't want to feel uncomfortable whenever we're going to talk with each other. So that's it. I really tried my hardest to suppress my feelings for him. I tried my hardest. I tried…

A few months before our graduation, on the Christmas month, he went to another country as a representative of our school for some culture exchange program or something. It's like he'll going to stay there for just a short time to learn that country's culture and all. Well, before he left, all of us gathered to him for almost everyday, just to pester him for some gifts and all. I also want to ask him for something at that time too, but with all our classmates around him, I can't even mutter a word to him.

Then, there's this time he looked at me and smiled to me and asked me if I want something that he can bring back for me. At those words, happiness surged into me, I smiled back at him, and asked him for a maple leaf. Yeah, yeah, I was watching an anime at that time, and the season in the anime is in autumn and maple leaves are flying all around and around and around, so, yeah, that's the thing that first came into my mind when he asked me what I want. Okay, you can now throw all those branches around me, I know it is such a lame request.

And that's it, he left, time passed by very slowly without him around. But then our lives did go on without him. We had our Christmas party, I spend my days with my friends, of course also with their pestering at me for asking such a lame gift from him. Of course, he came back just some days after Christmas, we just didn't meet him since classes are off during Christmas days.

And speaking of Christmas parties, I just remembered that time we held during my junior year. Our class decided to draw lots, with our names on a paper then we'll give a present on the name of the person we got. Well, I got his name. Some of my classmates even nagged at me on exchanging with them, since they really want that they'll be the one who'll give him a present. Oh! Did I forgot to mention that he is really popular, not just in our class but in the entire school? Yes, that's right. He is not only cute, but he also really intelligent, always the top on everything. But, sure, I really refused their offers on exchanging with them since I also want to give him a present. But, wow, I really had a hard time finding a gift for him. A gift. Hmm…

Well, in the end, I gave him a blue handkerchief and a cute little puppy (not a live one, but a, something like a stone sculpture) holding a "Welcome" sign. Again, you can throw me anything you want for that very lame gift. But he smiled at me when he saw it and told me that he was planning to buy a handkerchief that time, and he's really happy that I gave him one. And the next day, he told me he named the puppy I gave him. But, I kind of forgot the name he gave to it, too bad. Now let's get back to the present…

Then, New Year came and went, and we all came back to class, with exams greeting all over us. And also him, bringing with him with all those gifts for some of us. I never really expect for him to bring me back a leaf that I asked him. Well, where would he put it anyway? So I just sat there looking at him and all my classmates taking each of their gifts from him. Then, then…

He called me and when I went towards him, he presented me something. When I took it, I saw that it is a little book, well, to be specific, a book filled with Sudoku puzzles inside it, since I am really fond of answering Sudoku at that time. I thanked him for the gift, I'm really happy that even though he didn't gave me the very thing that I asked him, he still got me something. I was about to turn away and go back to my seat, well, I'm planning to answer all those puzzles in it, when he called me back.

I went back to him with question in my eyes, he just smiled at me and urged me to open the book. Well, I really am planning to open it anyway, I just didn't expect that he want me to open it in front of him. Well, yeah, I opened it, and surprises of all surprises, I found something inside the book.

Three little maple leaves.

Yes, maple leaves. The very thing that I asked him. And not just one, but three. I almost cried at that time since I'm happy that he remembered. I really thanked him and he just smiled back at me and joked a little about me going all the way to immediately try to answer all those puzzles inside. Just try to answer one at a time, he told me.

Those maple leaves…I never really thought about it deeply at that time. It just came to me as something like a gift that he remembered for me and all. But thinking about it at this time. Why? I mean, why are there three leaves inside? I really want to ask him that right now. But still being me, I still lack the courage to ask him anything.

Three years have passed since that happened. I am now a junior college student. Well, I changed in some ways, I really became somewhat outspoken and frank and all, yeah, a really big turnabout in my character. But when in front of him, I still revert back to being the old me. Okay, something like a combination of the old me and the new me. But…

Well, since after we graduated in high school, our group disbanded, I enrolled to a different school from my friends but then… I learned that he has also enrolled to the very same school that I'm in. But too bad we're now not in the same class. But then again, I'm still happy that I can still see him everyday, and talk to him now and then.

And…well…whenever I see him, I can now talk to him freely, smile to him, joke with him, laugh with him. Well, you can say I really matured a bit. Well, yes, just a bit, since, since, I still and do have a crush- no, I realized it during my sophomore year in college, that I really love him. Well, I got some distractions sometimes, but in the end, I always end up thinking about him and all.

But still, I kept on keeping this feeling all to myself. I really can't bear to ruin our friendship if I'll confess to him. So until now, that's just it. My feelings for him.

I love him with all my heart. But this is a love that can never come true.

I know that as time passes, I might forget him and all, but I know that he will always have a special place in my heart. Always…

But who knows…

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i hope you'll like it,,,teehee,,,,_

i'm planning to make another one for the guy part...but still have lots to do at school,,,hope i can make it,,,

*wew*,,,it's hard to figure out what a guy thinks,,,wah,,,

oh!and,,,,your reviews will really make my day,,,,_


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